Of That Perfection
by Nillen
Summary: "...It's saddening. If only you never learn how to hate." KanaZero.


Disclaimer : I do not own Vampire Knight.

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><p>You stood still.<p>

Your eyes blinked slowly and you felt your energy, your breath, your soul being drained from your body.

Your hands tainted with blood – that was _not yours_.

Your face half painted with blood – that was _not yours_.

Your shirt was half ripened but you stood still.

You thought that it was just your imagination but what presented upon you, _oh no_, it was supposed to only be imagination.

Then you managed, – somehow – to move forward. Your legs trembling as you tried to keep your composure. The stoic facial expression stayed in your face.

Should you even act like that?

Nobody was around but you.

Nobody that was alive was around… but you.

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><p>It started on that fateful day.<p>

You were standing on top of the school building. It was cold but you did not care. You never care.

Your eyes were red as he stood close to you.

Your body and his barely touched but you could feel the warmness of his breath.

His own, red eyes stared down at you.

His hair, those brown wavy locks was slightly blown by the spring's breeze.

Suddenly you thought how it would feel like to run your fingers through those locks.

But his gaze never wavered.

It gave you goosebumps and you could never understand how he can sense your hunger.

He slowly, silently reached out a hand to touch your left cheek. Your eyes hardened your glare but still, he did not even flinch.

You thought that he did not take you seriously.

You thought that if only your life was not dependent on him, you would have killed him.

Then he did the unthinkable. He leaned closer, breaking the barrier you have always, _always_ secured around you, his lips near to your right ear and his voice, it whispered.

"…It's saddening. If only you never learn how to hate."

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><p>You fell to your knees.<p>

His body was cold against the ground.

He was used to feel warm.

When he touched you, when he breathed against your neck, when he gently tracing your body with his fingertips.

He was used to be warm.

You stared at his face.

The face that you had used to hate, and then turned to love, then turned to hate, only to turn it back to love again.

You have never been the one who understand such feelings.

You think it was absurd.

That it was nonsense.

Both of him and you, knew that.

But instead, he chose to go on.

He chose to love and you chose… you chose him.

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><p>He groaned against your neck, his arms holding your waist almost tightly, but not tight enough to hurt you. You breathed heavily, your face looking down as your hands trying to stay fixed on his chest.<p>

You will not allow your body to collapse.

He needs you.

You… want him to need you.

Carefully, you lifted your ass from his erected member, only to let go of your restraint and slamming down again.

His bed made a cracking sound by the force but both of you did not care.

He proceeded to give butterfly kisses on your sweating face – somehow your tears had fall down, maybe a teardrop, maybe a two.

You hissed at him, anger and annoyance slipped through your eyes for his affection.

You hated him for making you like this.

Losing your first time to him.

Losing your hatred towards him.

Losing your sanity for him.

He just stared at you, brown eyes half lidded with lust and daze and beautiful,_ oh he was so beautiful_, you so wanted to kill him, _oh he was so beautiful_.

You gritted your teeth and started to ride him with full force.

You know he like it with force.

His eyes turned to bloody red.

The pair of eyes belonged to a vampire, the race that you despise, the genes that running through your blood vessel, caused by his people.

But somehow, while making love to him, you felt yourself drowned deeper.

Only to drown deeper.

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><p>You gently touched his face with your fingertips.<p>

His skin was pale blue and those eyes, the eyes that you loved hidden underneath his beautiful eyelids.

The meadow was full with nothing but dust belonged to dead vampires and dead bodies of your race.

The war had come to an end but somehow, you were still alive and he was… _not_.

You close your eyes, letting a soft sigh escaped your lips as you carefully put his head on your lap.

Pureblood vampires did not dissolve into dust that quickly.

They were strong.

They were supposed to be strong and _live_.

You tenderly rubbed his left cheek with your right thumb, a smile, ironically escaped your stoic façade.

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><p>You stared at him. Your gaze was hard as steel but he just stood there and looked at anywhere but you.<p>

Your heart clenched at his action and you made your way to approach him, taking out your Bloody Rose from your jacket and held it to his head.

The pureblood then, slowly lifted his eyes to meet yours.

Your anger boiled by the emotionless expression he presented you with, your hold on your gun tightened, the desire to pull the trigger heightened.

"How… _dare_ you?" you spat at his face and he went to straighten his body, his composure.

"I did not wish for us to happen too."

"How _dare_ you make me slept with you? How _dare_ you make me fall for you? How _dare_ you can just come and tell me that you are going to marry my best friend… your _sister_?" your voice remained at the same level but his eyes, they somehow softened, even only a little.

Then his voice, that deep, rich and husky voice, whispered again.

For the nth time in your life.

"… I did not wish to feel the same towards you too."

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><p>You chuckled bitterly, softly at the running memories in your reminiscent.<p>

His head was still on your lap.

You touched him with care, placing his hands to fold on top of one another against his bloodied chest.

You think it was ironic.

For the one that gave him the wound, to hold him like this.

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><p>"I think it would have been lovely." He suddenly stated. You stopped in your motion, running your fingers through his hair at the sound of his voice. He closed his eyes and continued to rest his face comfortably against your thighs.<p>

You frowned at his action.

When he came to your room suddenly in early morning, you did not expect such conversational tone be able to take place so casually.

Both of you were supposed to feel awkward and tensed.

Because he was cheating on his fiancée.

Because you were letting your best friend's fiancé cheating on her… with you.

The pureblood sighed slowly, his next sentences… by sentences, hurt your heart.

They were not supposed to hurt you.

But they did.

You kept your emotionless face, you refused to let him know what you felt about his thoughts too.

"You know, at last, one of us is going to win the war." You murmured, trying to change the topic. He felt him stiffened a little in your hold.

But then he turned his face to look at you.

His brown eyes masked with no emotions as he leaned upwards, pressing his lips against yours, in a chaste, tender kiss.

"And at last, Zero… I would need to end this for you…"

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><p>You felt your tears dripping down from your eyes as you started to laugh.<p>

Your laughter started with a small sound of chuckle into a maniac, loud one.

You laughed.

You cried.

But at the end, you only managed to cry.

Your laughter died because it was not funny.

It was not even funny at the first place.

The irony was not funny.

That the hunters had hurt him so bad and you, _you_ were the one who pulled the last trigger.

The last bullet that had gone through his heart.

The last bullet that had killed him.

The last bullet that your lover, _your_ lover, suffered before he died.

You sniffed, looking down again at the dead body, whispering a name that had never manage to make you feel tired just by listening to it.

"Kaname…"

But he did not answer.

So you closed your eyes. Your shoulders shaking with enormous amount of angst and irony and hurt and_ God_, it _hurts_ and _God_, _please_, you asked, you begged, _please stop it_ for _you_.

You cried and you screamed.

You screamed his name and you screamed and you cried.

Because there were no longer reasons for you to keep your emotions inside.

Because that main reason was now dead, laying on your lap with his cold body, his pale face and his blue lips and you hate it that you could not lie to yourself any longer.

Because you had been restrained by your hunter blood, he had been restrained by his pure blood and now, there was no longer reasons why you should not cry.

So you cried. No more quietly, no more secretly.

And when you finally finished, you wiped your remaining tears from your eyes by your sleeves.

Your eyes were now red by the tears and your nose – he would laugh if he was still alive.

You turned around you, looking at the field, filled with nothing but dead bodies and smell of bloods.

You looked down and then your heart turned cold, clenched and _cold_.

Sniffing and shakily took a deep breath, you leaned down and gently, tenderly, _lovingly_ pressed your lips against his cold ones, murmuring a soft farewell.

His body started to crack and within another second, you found yourself cradling nothing but dust.

Your face was emotionless as you quietly stood on your own two feet, trembling as you tried to stand still.

You gave another glance towards the used to be dead body of your one and only Kaname Kuran before reluctantly turning your back to it.

Silently you walk away and your steps never stop.

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><p><em>"I think it would have been lovely if we were just normal people. Then we can be in love as much as how we wanted to."<em>

_"I think it would have been beautiful if were just normal people. I can go home after a long day of working, having you standing at the front door to welcome me home."_

_"I think it would have been perfect if I am not Kaname Kuran and you are not Zero Kiryuu. Because I would still fall in love with you and then we can just live happily until we are old and die happily too. Together."_

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><p><em>"And at last, Zero… I would need to end this for you… because I love you and I will not have to courage to kill you. And if you love me too… you'll pull the trigger so that you can end it for me too."<em>

END.

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><p>AN : Just review... will you?

Review please.


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